Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of course I have a pirate flag
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were trust falling into bushes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
