apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
