Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
