bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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