I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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