I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
