Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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