How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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