I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
