I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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