Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
