Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vodka?
Forever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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