Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
