You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
