Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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