just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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