i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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