Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
