Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
