He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
