Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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