I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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