You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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