somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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