Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
