She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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