belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
