So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
