her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize