Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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