just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
