Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
