Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
