Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
