"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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