i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize