Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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