I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
