Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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