Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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