put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We left an ass print on the piano.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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