so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
