She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize