Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
