My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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