I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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