i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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