Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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