I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
