kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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