Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
