Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
