You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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