Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
