I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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