Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
