Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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