she was so not down for the gang bang
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
