I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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