don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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