she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
