How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
