So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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