If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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