It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
