so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
