i just sent this text using only my big toe
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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