I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
