you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
