Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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