If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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