Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we're making bets on your personal life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
