i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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