so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
