hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
4 words: hood of his car
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
