can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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