can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
