all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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