Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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