I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
