bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
