Don't make out with my wife yet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
