in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
