Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
